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Robert Schimmel Biography

“It's my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people.”

Robert Schimmel was born in the Bronx, New York City, the son of Betty and Otto Schimmel, Jewish survivors of the Holocaust. He was voted class clown during high school and was in the United States Air Force for one year during the Vietnam War. A resident of Scottsdale, Arizona, his career began when, at the urging of his sister, he performed at a comedy club's open-mic night. A club owner in Los Angeles offered to make him a regular, but when Schimmel moved there he found that the club had burned down.

Undaunted, and with some help from Rodney Dangerfield, who invited him to perform on his HBO Young Comedians Special, Schimmel began making a name for himself. He wrote material for In Living Color and for comedians such as Yakov Smirnoff and Jimmie Walker.

Schimmel cited Lenny Bruce as his all-time comedy hero. Schimmel incorporated many aspects of his personal life into his act, even his cancer and the death of his son. In one signature bit, Schimmel joked about making obscene suggestions to a lady from the Make-a-Wish Foundation. His act was described as raunchy and sexually explicit, which he claimed as the reason he never appeared on network television. He said his inappropriate comments on Late Night with Conan O'Brien and The Hollywood Squares got him disinvited, though he later returned to O'Brien's program. However, his edgy style made him a hit on The Howard Stern Show.

On August 26, 2010, Schimmel was a passenger in a car driven by his 19-year-old daughter, Aliyah, when the car flipped onto its side before coming to a stop in the shoulder of the Loop 101 freeway in Scottsdale. Schimmel was hospitalized in serious condition, while Aliyah was hospitalized in stable condition. Schimmel’s son Jacob, also in the car at the time, was not injured.

On September 3, 2010, Schimmel died of his injuries. He is interred at the Paradise Memorial Gardens in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Robert Schimmel comedy specials

  • Robert Schimmel: Life Since Then (2009) Robert Schimmel Life Since Then Filmed in New York City, New York. The DVD was released on January 14th, 2009.
  • Robert Schimmel: Unprotected (1999) Robert Schimmel Unprotected The special was released in 1999.
  • Robert Schimmel: Guilty As Charged (1994) Robert Schimmel Guilty As Charged Filmed at Bally's Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. The special was released in 1994.
  • Robert Schimmel: Hard Core in the Big Apple (1990) Robert Schimmel Hard Core in the Big Apple Filmed at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York City, New York. The special was filmed in 1990.

Robert Schimmel jokes, Quotes and One Liners

I sit down with my daughter and I said, "Do you know how babies get here?" And she said, "Well, the lady has an egg inside of her, and the man has sperm inside of him, and the sperm meets the egg, and that's how the lady gets pregnant." And I said, "Do you know how the sperm meets the egg?" She said, "Does the man pee on the woman?" I said, "Sometimes, but that's $35 extra."

“Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.”

One of my friends goes: "So, you know what really turns me on; when girls talk dirty in bed." Yeah I tried that with my wife. I said: "Hey, talk dirty to me." She said: "Go fuck yourself". Not that dirty. 

So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look like I'm suffering? Those aren't tears on your belly. 

Caution: Anal intercourse may lead to irregular heart rhythms. Yeah, you know I'm never gonna have to worry about that. Because God gave me a second lease on life and I'm not gonna press my luck and take it up the ass. 

What is it with the animals with the bikes? I took my daugther to the circus. She said: "Daddy, how do they teach a bear how to ride a bike?" I said: It's easy, they nail his feet to the pedals and they beat the shit out of him. He's not riding, he's running. He just happens to be attached to the bike.

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