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Nick Swardson Biography

Nicholas Robert "Nick" Swardson, born October 9, 1976, is an American actor, stand up comedian, rapper, and writer. He is best known for his recurring role as Terry Bernardino in the Comedy Central series Reno 911! and for his work in Happy Madison movies.

Swardson was a stand up comedian in Minneapolis and performed regularly at the Comedy Sportz in Minneapolis. He was recognized by Adam Sandler when Sandler watched him perform in his first Comedy Central special. Sandler called him up and invited him out to Los Angeles where the two began writing movies, television pilots, stand up comedy, and audio skits together. Swardson performs regularly as a stand up comedian throughout Los Angeles. He has been featured in two Comedy Central Presents stand up specials, and his own one hour special, Nick Swardson: Seriously, Who Farted?, was aired on Comedy Central on October 11, 2009, and then released as a CD/DVD on October 13, 2009.

Swardson moved into features not simply as a comedic actor, but as a scriptwriter -- first on the Jamie Kennedy vehicle Malibu's Most Wanted (2003), then via a long-running association with Adam Sandler's Happy Madison production company, for which he scripted and acted in the comedies The Benchwarmers (2006) and Grandma's Boy (2006), and co-produced and tackled a supporting role in the Sandler-Kevin James farce I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007).

Nick Swardson comedy specials

  • Nick Swardson: Seriously, Who Farted? (2009) Nick Swardson Seriously, Who Farted? Filmed at Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas. The DVD was released on October 13th, 2009.
  • Nick Swardson: Comedy Central Presents (2006) Nick Swardson Comedy Central Presents (2006) The special was released on April 7th, 2006.
  • Nick Swardson: Comedy Central Presents (2001)Nick Swardson Comedy Central Presents (2001) The special was released on January 8th, 2001.

Nick Swardson jokes, Quotes and One Liners

I don't care if I go through life and don't help a lot of people or save a million lives. I just don't want to get stabbed. If I can get through life without getting stabbed, I win -- that's how I feel. It just seems so horrible. It's not like getting shot. When you get shot, you don't see the bullet going in. You're just like, 'Alright -- BANG! -- whoa, I just got shot.' When you get stabbed, it's like you're there the whole time.

My grandma would be like, 'How was your day today?' And I'll be like, 'Oh, my day, Grandma? My day was horrible. I had the worst day. I wake up. I go to the video store -- this guy almost hits me, this cab almost hits me. I get there -- the movie I want is gone. They don't even have it. And the Yankees lost, it's going to rain -- it was like the worst day. How was your day?' 'Well, I woke up, again. And my heart hurts when I breath. And another one of my friends died.' It's like, what do I say to that?

You never hear a girl, like, 'I met this guy. He is so hot. He's so short! You can barely see him.'

Everybody loves pot brownies. But I bring crystal meth cupcakes to a party, suddenly I'm the weirdo.

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